How to break up with your girlfriend - 64 easy steps

Phase 1: the build up.

Get a girlfriend - it's important

Be together for a while

Know you're going to be together forever

Think you're going to be together forever

Assume you're going to be together forever

Start to wonder if you really are going to be together forever

Start having sex a lot less often

Wonder if you are drifting apart

Have an argument about her parents

Have an argument about your parents

Have no idea who is she's speaking to on the phone

Notice that other girls have been looking you over

Start complaining to your friends a lot

Have an argument about your job

Have an argument about your clothes

Have an argument about Valentine's day

Have an argument about a frying pan

Break up

Phase 2: the second childhood

Feeling of relief

Feeling of anticipation

Feeling of adventure

Feeling of light stomach

Start going to a lot of parties

Rediscover all the music you like

Start dating people casually

Have a one night stand with the girl you met on the bus

Start making plans for your new future

Receive a drunk dial from ex girlfriend while on the way home from a party

Meet at her place for a drink

Have sex

Phase 3: the back together

Talk about how much you've grown

Talk about how much you've missed each other

Talk about how much better things are now than before

Spend at least one major holiday looking at the stars at the roof of your apartment building

Start to miss the feeling of freedom, but that 's ok

Start to miss the feeling of adventure, but that's ok

Start to miss the music you're listening to, but that's ok

Start not having sex as often again and that's not quite so ok

Have a small argument about a movie

Have a medium argument about money

Have a large argument about whether or not it's important to go to environmentally responsible gas stations

Have an insane argument that you can never really figure out what it was about

Break up

Phase 4: The third childhood (which incidentally is just like the second childhood with a lot less enthusiasm)

Go out to parties again, but just for the hell of it

Go out to bars again, but just for the hell of it

Start getting bored of relief

Start getting bored of anticipation

Start getting bored of adventure

Start getting bored of all the music you like

Call ex girlfriend with a question that you don't really need to know the answer to, but phrase in a way that it'll suddenly indicate how much fun you're having

Decide it is time to find a new girlfriend

Notice that all the girls that happened looking you over have now stopped looking you over

Start looking at a lot of porn, get kinda depressed

Phase 5: The recovery

Start to hate being alone

Start to really hate being alone

Start to really, really, totally, absolutely hate to be alone

Then decide that it is time to learn how to be alone

Get sort of good at being alone

Get better at being alone

Assume as you are perfectly happy and content about being alone

Get a new girlfriend and repeat from beginning

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